Relentless revenge of the tiny terrorists

Clayton Hayes is a lifelong resident of Dyer County.

Ah, summer is about over. The season of sunshine, beach trips, barbecues—and, of course, the annual invasion of the most persistent and infuriating creatures known to humankind: mosquitoes. These tiny, whiny, bloodthirsty terrorists are still around us with a vengeance, and it seems they’ve upgraded their tactics this year.

Let’s be honest. Mosquitoes are nature’s way of keeping us humble. Just when you think you’re having a perfect summer evening—maybe you’re lounging on the porch, sipping a cold drink, or enjoying a bonfire with friends—a high-pitched whine slices through the air. And you know what’s coming. It’s as inevitable as a politician’s promise: the unmistakable buzz of a mosquito, honing in on you like a heat-seeking missile.

What’s worse, these little pests are like the ninjas of the insect world. You never see them coming. You’re sitting there, minding your own business, and suddenly, there’s an itchy red bump the size of a golf ball on your arm. How did it get there? You were under a blanket of citronella and doused in bug spray! Are these mosquitoes, or are they CIA-trained operatives?

The truth is, mosquitoes are the ultimate freeloaders. They don’t work, they don’t contribute to society, and they’re only interested in one thing: your blood. It’s as if they’ve got some sort of vendetta against us as if we’ve wronged them in a past life. And don’t even get me started on their method of attack. It’s not enough to simply bite and leave; no, they have to inject their saliva into us, just to make sure it itches like crazy for days. They’re not content with just ruining your evening; they want to ruin your entire week.

And why, you might ask, do they always go after you? Why are you the chosen one, while your friend next to you is left untouched? It’s one of life’s great mysteries. Scientists will tell you it’s about body odor, carbon dioxide, or even your blood type. But I’m convinced it’s more personal than that. Mosquitoes have preferences, and if you’re on their hit list, well, tough luck. They’re like restaurant critics, buzzing around, sampling the local cuisine—and unfortunately, you’re on the menu.

So what can we do? We’ve tried everything: sprays, candles, nets, even those fancy new gadgets that claim to repel them with ultrasonic waves. And yet, every summer, they come back, undeterred, as if to say, “Nice try, humans. See you next year.”

Perhaps it’s time to accept the inevitable. Maybe we should stop fighting and start negotiating. What if we could broker a peace deal with the mosquitoes? Maybe trade them a pint of blood in exchange for a mosquito-free backyard. Sure, it’s a little unconventional, but at this point, I’m willing to try anything.

But until that day comes, we’re stuck in this never-ending battle. So here’s to the mosquito—the tiniest, most annoying adversary we’ll ever face. May we continue to swat, spray, and scratch our way through summer, dreaming of a day when these miniature marauders finally leave us in peace.

In the meantime, just remember: while mosquitoes might have the upper hand, at least we can take solace in the fact that they only live for a few weeks.

Unfortunately, they’ll make every second of that time a miserable experience. Happy end of summer!