Use specific words to get your point across

Dr. Mardy tells me that aphorisms are literature’s hand luggage. Light and compact, they fit easily into the overhead compartments of our brains and contain everything we need to get through a rough day at the office or a dark night of the soul.

What are aphorisms?

They are not like an aspirin or a piece of candy. You do not need to swallow them.

An aphorism is a short, pointed sentence expressing a comprehensive, clever observation, a general truth, or an adage. The only thing you need to benefit from a clever aphorism is a sense of humor. Too many people today cannot grasp an aphorism because they lack a true sense of humor.

They can be prosaic or poetic, and some even contain repeated words or phrases. I have read some that feature two parts with the same grammatical structure.

Many aphorisms are famous only because the authors are famous. Depending on who wrote them, many are serious food for thought. They can embody a moral, a concise statement of a principle given in pointed words.

One example is poet Carl Sandburg, who wrote, “A baby is God’s opinion that the world should go on.”

Voltaire says, “The only way to compel men to speak good of us is to do it!”

Aphorisms can affect many aspects of our daily lives, such as “Children seldom misquote you. They usually repeat word for word what you should not have said.”

In the legal system, I have heard a good one ... “In criminal courts, the worst people look their best. In civil courts, the opposite is true.”

Relating to the construction industry I heard, “At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer.”

Politicians, writers, poets, monarchs, presidents, and blondes have uttered aphorisms throughout history.

But, the ones I love the best are those that are shown in movies featuring that famous Chinese detective, Charlie Chan. His movies were filled with quick aphorisms. If you did not listen intently, you missed many of them.

Such as, “Detective without curiosity is like glass eye at keyhole, no good.” Poetic huh?

Others I like are “Learn from the Hen. Never boast about the egg until after the egg’s birthday.”

Mr. Chan spoke volumes with just a few words, such as, “One man with a loaded gun has more authority than a whole army without ammunition.” And then that famous one, “Man who flirts with dynamite sometimes flies with angels.”

Speaking about marriage, he said, “Maybe some people on a sea of matrimony wish they had missed the boat.”

In the arena of human relations, Mr. Chan replied, “Remember kind-hearted elephant who tried to help hen hatch chickens.”

Dealing with the struggles of life, he offered, “Sometimes hope becomes scarce as midnight rainbow.”

Maybe he was speaking about war when he said, “Most mysterious is what mankind does to itself for reasons difficult to understand.”

I just know that one could have been directed at our Washington politicians when he said, “When money talks, few are deaf.” It seems as though they will not listen to their constituents but will be all ears to money.

There are many humorous aphorisms for newspaper columnists. So, if any of my readers would like to embark on a new writing career, remember these rules.

1. All verbs has to agree with their subjects.

2. Don’t be redundant. Don’t use more words than necessary as it’s highly superfluous and can be excessive.

3. Don’t use no double negatives.

4. Also, never, ever use repetitive redundancies endlessly over and over again.

5. Be more or less specific.

6. Always avoid annoying alliteration.

7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

8. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words, however, should be enclosed in commas.

9. Contractions aren’t always necessary and shouldn’t be used to excess so don’t.

Now you have the inside secrets to being a successful columnist. Follow these rules, use the correct aphorisms at the right time and you’ll be just as famous and well paid as Charlie Chan and myself.

Clayton Hayes is a lifelong resident of Dyer County.