Help, I need somebody; help, not just any...never mind

William Northcutt is a writer for the State Gazette and former Professor of English at Dyersburg State

I have a problem that you probably have, that people have more than likely had since humans walked: I don’t have enough hours in the day work, do chores, take care of my animals, talk to my kids, check on my siblings, much less read or play my guitar. Basically I’m overwhelmed, and chances are, so are you.

What do you do when you can’t handle everything? You reach out to friends and say, “I’m so overwhelmed, I don’t know what to do.” And they say, “What can I do? I’d be so glad to help you.” And you reply, “No, but thank you. I guess I can handle it.” I had this same conversation with a few of my friends, and then I reported it on Facebook. Many responded, “SAME!”

However, if someone asks you for help, as my friend Taft Davis said, you’d gladly do it. You’d do anything to make someone you love less burdened.

So why do we have so much trouble accepting help?

My friend Shannon said that part of it is, you don’t want to burden someone else and you also don’t want to be obligated to someone else. Time-debt—it’s an awful debt to carry.

A dusty scholar, I think of it in terms of our sociological/historical make up. America—the land of self-reliance, the “can-do” attitude. It’s weakness to admit that you cannot do everything and do it better than anyone else. You have to give it your all as a parent, as a homemaker, as a worker, as a friend, and you have to be an expert with your hobby, whether that’s work in your garden, music, fishing, playing sports. Whatever takes your energy, it has to be done perfectly, every time. And you have to do it yourself.

Perish the thought that you’re so weak that you’d ask for help, even from people who like you so much that they want to make you happier.

Is that it? If it’s not the American ideal of self-reliance, do you feel that you have to work from sunup to sundown, like Ma and Pa Pilgrim on their joyless journey through life? Gotta re-spoke the wagon wheel? Gotta pick the corn, grind it into meal, give birth to 20 children, plow 100 acres of rocky land with nothing but a blade and a broken down mule, chop the firewood, barter for sugar, kill a turkey, and sew a bonnet? Yes, and you have to do it within the 12 hours of daylight.

How do we finally relax and say, “Yes, please help me”? How do we sing along with John Lennon and mean it? “Help, I need somebody!”